It was a time of ignorance. Knowledge was scarce and man was quick to accept answers for the things they didn’t understand. Nature was a notion not yet realised so her acts were often considered punishment from a vengeful and fearsome God. When excessive flooding caused utter devastation, it was seen as retaliation for man becoming much less God fearing and much more self-serving. When two towns were destroyed by volcanic action it was deemed the result of their God’s apparent aversion to excessive buggery. But whether they realised her or not nature was constant and unrelenting. The population was growing and the planet that had existed for billions of years previously was adjusting to its new tenants.
Man had little understanding of plant life and how it worked. Their knowledge as simple as, water seed, seed grows. The subtleties of the plants around them sustaining not only their lives but the life of the planet they inhabited, was a concept that wouldn’t be appreciated for many centuries to come. But lack of appreciation didn’t prevent nature working her subtleties around man, resulting in evolution and improvement.
This is the tale of one particular strand of that evolution; a cheerful gourd named Colin.
Colin’s first conscious thought was how amazing the sun felt on his tough, green skin. His second thought was that he understood everything and the knowledge filled him with a feeling of euphoria. From the process of photosynthesis occurring in the leaves that connected him to the ground, to the chemical makeup of the men arguing a short distance away, Colin completely understood how everything functioned. This knowledge led to the perception that he no longer needed to be attached to the vines sprouting from the earth for nutrition. The very air was laden with all the nutrients he needed. His euphoria heightened and he wished the arguing men could feel as cheerful as he did. With no eyes Colin was unable to see the men but he could perceive their location by sensing two things; the elements they consisted of and the current flow of adrenalin that was coursing through their systems. He wanted them to be happy like he was and he thought he may be able to manipulate the nutrients in the air to adjust the flow of hormones and increase their serotonin levels. So it was with great determination that Colin pulled free of his bond with the vine and made his way toward the men to spread cheer.
As a kettle gourd Colin had a bulbous base and narrow neck so traversing in a straight line to the men proved impossible. Instead he had to roll in an arc and then swap directions leaving a long chain of s shapes behind him. It was very difficult to do but the rolling action made Colin even happier so he didn’t mind the limitations of his mobility. During one such joy inducing arc he came to a stop as he rolled into the long robe of a man. The robe tickled his skin which was pleasant.
The man was laughing as he picked him up and Colin found the sound very much to his liking.
“What are you doing rolling around like that?” The man tucked him under his arm.
Having no mouth, tongue or voice box Colin was unable to speak aloud so he tried communicating telepathically. “I was trying to reach those men to make them happy.”
The man cried out, his adrenalin level spiked and he flung Colin to the dusty ground.
Even though Colin speaking in his head had clearly frightened him, the man didn’t run away. “You spoke – in my head, you spoke.” He accused.
“Yes, I did. Don’t be afraid. I’m Colin.”
Colin sensed the man’s adrenalin subsiding but he still kicked nervously at the dirt. “I’m Jahzeel. Gourds can’t talk.”
Jahzeel’s speech was slow and encumbered suggesting a slight mental deficiency. “I’m special. I want to make people happy; do you want to help me?”
Jahzeel inched closer to Colin but his eyes darted towards the men as though he feared reprisal for talking to the gourd. “What do you want me to do?”
“Could you carry me to those men over there?”
Jahzeel backed away. “No, they’ll shout at me. They don’t like me because I’m not as smart as them. Sometimes they hit me.”
“I can make them happy, and then they won’t shout at you or hurt you.”
“Can you?” He asked in awe.
“Can you feel that I am making you happy right now?”
Jahzeel laughed and stepped forward to scoop Colin up. He took great care in wiping the dust from his green skin. “You do make me happy.” He laughed. “Sorry for throwing you like that. You gave me an awful fright.”
They made their way over to the men and with each step Colin could sense the trepidation building in Jahzeel. The men stopped their arguing and both wore irritated expressions as they turned.
The closest man, wearing a long white robe and turban, looked particularly aggressive. “What do you want fool?” He shouted.
“We want to give you cheer.” Colin answered as he began to work on dissipating their adrenalin.
“Well, fool!” The man shouted even louder.
“I don’t think they can hear you.” Jahzeel whispered to Colin.
“You tell them then.” Colin instructed as he continued to work.
“We want to make you happy.”
The man in the white robe frowned. “We?” He turned to the other man. “The fool has an imaginary friend.” They both started laughing, cruelly at first, but then their laughs morphed into heartfelt belly laughs and tears sprang from their eyes. Still laughing, both men came forward and hugged Jahzeel while trying to apologise for the way they’d always treated him. As the men moved away down the path they were still laughing.
Jahzeel grinned down at Colin and if Colin had had lips he would’ve grinned right back.
Deciding they should spread more cheer the two of them ventured along the dusty road.
The first town they came to there was a blind beggar sitting in the dirt before a row of market stalls. The townsfolk moved past his out stretched hand as though he were invisible and went about their shopping. This distressed Jahzeel very much.
“Can we make that man happy? He’s blind.”
“He’s not blind Jahzeel, he has cataracts.”
“What are caratacts?”
“Never mind, let’s go and see him.”
Again when Colin spoke the blind man couldn’t hear him so Jahzeel spoke for him. When asked how he found himself begging for coin the man told them how he’d once been a skilled coin maker but after years of working with the fierce heat of the smelter he’d gradually lost his sight and ultimately his usefulness.
“Making coins made him go blind?” Jahzeel whispered to Colin and the blind man tilted his head to discern the sound of a second person.
“Heat denatures and whitens the eye lens as a result of direct protein coagulation. It’s the same process the clear albumin of a raw egg goes through when cooking.” Colin explained.
Jahzeel scratched his head. “He cooked his eyes?”
“Over a very long period of time. I think I can fix them if I can remove the emulsions but I’m going to need you to spit into his eyes for lubrication.”
“Lubri….?”
“Just spit into his eyes, I’ll do the rest.”
Jahzeel explained to the blind man that he was going to help him but when he tried to spit in his eyes the blind man recoiled backwards.
“Trust me, I will not hurt you.” Jahzeel assured him and the man let him spit into his eyes. Colin immediately set about utilizing the nutrients in the air to separate the emulsions from the lens.
The cataracts fell like scales from his eyes and the man leapt to his feet, shouting in jubilation. The townsfolk gathered around and marvelled at Jahzeel’s miracle.
“He made the blind man see.” They whispered in awe.
Within minutes an abundance of food was proffered. Jahzeel happily ate his fill and Colin, at his side, cheerfully increased the townsfolk’s serotonin levels and the cheer resonated throughout the town.
The next day after promising the townsfolk’s they would return, Jahzeel and Colin set off for the next village to spread cheer. Jahzeel was especially happy as he had never been welcomed in any town before and now he’d been to one where they didn’t want him to leave.
The village they were headed for was definitely in need of cheer as it was situated on the banks of the Salt Sea and without a fresh water source or fishing prospects life was particularly hard for them.
Upon arrival they discovered a small crowd of people keeping a wary distance from a man who was shouting incoherently and tearing at his hair and clothes. Jahzeel carried Colin over to the crowd and the heard the frightened whispers of the people. They believed the man to be beset with demons.
One of the villagers walked too closely to the man and he was attacked, his nose bloodied and his robe torn before he managed to get away.
“Let’s get out of here, that man is possessed by demons.” Jahzeel whispered as he hugged Colin tighter to his side.
“He is not possessed by demons Jahzeel, he is mentally ill. There is a chemical imbalance in his brain that is making him act this way.”
“Can you help him?”
“Yes, step closer to him.”
“I can’t, he’ll attack me.”
“My cheer will subdue him, he won’t attack you.”
Jahzeel walked closer to the man and the villagers shouted warnings at him. He ignored them and continued towards the man who was staring at him with mad eyes. As promised Colin’s cheer subdued the man who had approached Jahzeel but stopped short and swayed on his feet in front of him with his arms at his sides. The villagers gasped in disbelief. Colin once again used the nutrients in the air to adjust the chemical levels in the man’s brain.
Nearby a pen of pigs started squealing and kicking their back legs at their rickety enclosure.
“What’s wrong with them?” Jazheel asked.
“They are disturbed by the shift of the nutrients in the air.” Colin explained as he worked.
As the process continued the man swayed, the villagers watched open mouthed and the three pigs grew more and more unsettled.
Colin finally managed to balance the chemical levels in the man and he straightened and blinked with clear eyes.
“I’m cured!” He cried and at the same time the pigs broke free from their enclosure and ran straight into the sea where they drowned.
“He cast the demons into the pigs.” The villagers whispered in awe.
Once again food and wine was proffered and Jahzeel was touched that people so lacking in means would share their precious provisions with him. Colin spread his cheer and the villagers laughed and danced merrily around them.
“I love you Colin.” Jahzeel grinned.
“I love you too Jahzeel.”
Four days later and many happy people behind them they happened upon a town where many of its inhabitants had died and the rest were not far behind them. They were dying of thirst as the town’s water supply had been poisoned and there was no way to purify it. Urns of all sizes crowded the street in the hopes that rain would fall and save them.
Colin knew there would be no point in flooding their brains with serotonin when they were this badly dehydrated, for many it would just expedite their deaths.
“Ask to see their well.” He told Jahzeel.
Many of the townsfolk were regarding him with hostility, no doubt concerned with sharing their meagre resources with an outsider. So when he called out to be taken to the well his request was met by sniggers and jeers that he should move onto the next town.
“I wish to help you.”
“Then slice open that gourd and pass it around.” One desperate looking man shouted from the doorway of his house.
Jahzeel’s grip tightened on Colin. “I’ve come to fix your water.”
Weak laughter surrounded him, though weak as it was it lost none of its derisive tone.
“It can’t be fixed fool, now move on, there is nothing for you here.”
“Wait!” A man cried as he moved toward Jahzeel. “I know this man, I saw him in Arad. This is the man who made the blind man see!”
The man took Jahzeel’s hand and kissed it before dropping to his knees and placing his hands reverently upon his sandaled feet.
The townsfolk whispered to one another as a flicker of hope took root in them.
“Take him to the well.” A woman cradling a small, very sick looking, child pleaded.
Jahzeel was led to the town well and the weak townsfolk followed at a distance watching him curiously.
Colin could discern that their water source had been contaminated by a microbial pathogen, most likely the result of animal waste leaching into the water system.
“Can you fix it?” Jahzeel whispered.
“Yes.” He managed to use the hydrogen in the water to mass the pathogens together and force them to the water’s surface then he instructed Jahzeel to use one of the nearby urns to skim the water’s surface. When he was certain all the pathogens were removed he told Jahzeel to use a new urn and fill it with water.
“Drink from it.”
Jahzeel’s trust in Colin was great as he drank immediately. The townsfolk gasped and whispers rushed amongst them.
Jahzeel offered the urn to the man who had led him to the well and though the man took it from him he eyed the water within suspiciously and did not raise it to his lips.
“It’s good.” Jahzeel assured him.
The man eventually raised the urn to his lips and took a tiny sip. He held the liquid in his mouth as he contemplated its purity, all the while ready to spit it straight out. A moment later he swallowed then smiled briefly before taking another much larger sip.
The crowd whispered.
How does it taste?
Did he fix it?
Are we saved?
The taster grinned widely at Jahzeel. “This is the best water I have ever tasted. It takes better than wine!” He took another long swallow before passing the urn to his wife.
Again the crowd whispered.
What did he say? What did he say?
It’s wine.
He turned the water into wine.
The townsfolk rushed to the well and drank their fill and Jahzeel was revered as a man of miracles.
By this stage word of Jahzeel’s deeds had spread so it was no surprise to him or Colin when they were approached by twelve men asking for help. The help they wanted, however, was not what they were expecting. The men, each having been subjected to crimes of a varying nature, formed a victim support group and sort a way to stem man’s tendencies toward harming others. To achieve this they wanted Jahzeel to accompany them around the country performing miracles as a messenger from God.
“You see, people just don’t believe in God anymore so the Ten Commandments are not an effective way of governing them. There is no fear of reprisal for their acts as they believe there will be no reprisal.” A man called John said emphatically.
“Maybe people just need more cheer?” Jahzeel offered with a shrug. The twelve men all exchanged glances conveying their misfortune at their saviour being a simpleton.
“No Jahzeel, they need fear.” Matthew, another of the twelve, said. “Fear of the consequences of their actions will stop them doing bad things.”
“I don’t know what consie- thingys are but I do know when men are full of cheer they don’t do bad things.”
To support Jahzeel’s argument Colin flooded the men’s brains with serotonin. Smiles turned into giggles and giggles turned into laughing and the laughing didn’t stop for a very long time. Amongst the laughter were affirmations of love and encouragement.
Two of the men were both called James; one of them being referred to as The Greater and the other The Lesser.
“No you’re the greater.”
“No you are!” They argued back and forth while grinning stupidly.
Phillip and Bartholomew stood hugging and occasionally sighed with contentment. Simon was trying to convince Thomas not to doubt so much and the rest of them stood around Andrew while he did an impression of King Herod that incited laughter bordering on hysteria.
Eventually they all ended up sitting in a circle that included Jahzeel with Colin in his arms.
“Seriously Jahzeel, you have to come with us.”
The men all nodded in agreement until John shot up right. “I just had a great idea. What if we told people he wasn’t just a messenger to God but his son instead? Then people would definitely fear him!”
“You’re right.” Phillip agreed while vigorously nodding. He pointed at Jahzeel. “The son of God.”
“I don’t want to lie to people; I just want them to feel good.” Jahzeel said with a frown.
“It’s not a lie, it’s just a story.” Matthew assured him.
“Oh!” This time it was Thaddaeus that shot upright. “We could write stories of his deeds and send them all over the world so we can reach even more people and inspire fear.”
“But we want to spread cheer not fear.” Jahzeel protested.
“Think about it, if it makes them believe in God then they won’t do bad things and people will be much more cheerful.”
Jahzeel grinned. “That makes sense.”
Another of the men shot upright. “We can charge for the stories. Think how much money we will make!”
“Judas, why is it always about the coin with you?” Simon admonished. “What do you think Jahzeel, will you come with us?”
“Let me think about it.” Jahzeel took Colin and stepped away from the circle of men. “What do you think Colin?”
“People already think you are a miracle man, what difference can it make if they think you are the son of God?”
“Right, and if people are curious enough they may even come to find us and then we can give them cheer.”
“Right. I can’t see any downside to it. Let’s do it Jahzeel.”
Jahzeel grinned down at the gourd in his arms. “I love you Colin.”
“I love you too Jahzeel. What’s the worst that can happen?”
By Dayv Metcalfe
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